How To Feel Enough and Stop Undervaluing Yourself

 

Let’s face it, not everybody gets to grow up with built-in confidence, and then preserve it throughout life. Too many women spend decades thinking that they’re less than other people, and that realizing goals and dreams is just not in the cards. Heck for decades I believed this myself. Growing up in an abusive household can put a dragger right through your self-esteem. Now it doesn’t have to be this bad  for us to lose confidence in ourselves and to feel “less than.” Sometimes it’s a parent’s reaction, or the promotion you didn’t get, or maybe you feel less than in your body because of your weight or pelvic issues. The truth is that feeling enough is emotional and it’s not always logical. 

When you look around, you’ll find story after story of women who changed the course of their lives against the odds. This is not unique to them they just did something different to get themselves feeling like a QUEEN and there are common threads that I will share with you. Feeling enough is emotional it is not always logical. It’s an inside job and over the course of 12 years and overseeing the reclamation of more than 14,000 women’s pelvic health.  I’ve discovered 5 secrets that’ll have you feeling enough in a NY minute and I want to share with you in hopes that it could help you.

Secret #1 Develop a Queen Kind of Attitude

When something doesn’t feel possible or it’s making you feel less than you have the choice of accepting it and giving up – or you can do what a queen would do, and figure it out. “Everything is figureoutable” (Marie Forleo) and all that’s required is an intention, a desire and a decision on your part to look for answers.  

Google it, read a book about it, go out to the beach with a notebook for a brainstorming session and list ideas, or ask for help. Most importantly you must question your thoughts.

The point is to not give in to the belief that you are not enough, that you don’t have what it takes, or that your past determines whether or not you can make this happen. Instead, at least stay open to the possibility that your dreams and your goals are possible for you, and then do everything else on today’s guide to gain that trust and confidence in yourself.

Secret #2 Make a Queen’s Badassery List of Accomplishments

Most of us have things we’ve done in our lives that we’re proud of, or that we managed to do despite thinking it’s out of reach for us. I’m willing to bet you have stuff like that too, tucked away safely in your memory bank.

Yet many of us put these accomplishments down, thinking they’re not good enough when compared to what we wish we accomplished or what we’ve seen others do.

That’s what my client Danielle did when she tried being more social at work. She thought it wasn’t often enough, wasn’t good enough, and the gap between where she was and a potential BFF, let alone more than one, was too far to bridge. That only ended up stopping her from trying again, which deepened the gap. It’s time to let go of “what could have been” and stop putting yourself down, but rather start building a list of why you’re a queen who’s good enough and capable and can create her dream life.

The more Danielle added to her list despite her initial habit to judge herself, the more she got the process going, and the easier it started getting to prove to herself she might just have what it takes to realize her dreams. When you are in the midst of it. Take out this list and read it out loud to yourself and see how quickly you can change not enough to being a badass Queen. Please keep a copy of this list in your purse and update it frequently. And most important don’t forget to read it.

Secret #3  Remember a Day You Were Your Absolute Best Queen Ever

While you’re listing your queen kind of accomplishments, I want you to search your heart for a day or a time when you felt absolutely at your best. You were happy, you were confident, you didn’t let anything or anyone stop you. It’s like you had a crown on your head and you knew you were a queen. You felt the freedom to be you, as fully as you ever did.

I want you to remember a very detail from this day. Where you were, what you wore, what you did, who you were with, how that felt. I want it to be as crystal clear as you can make it because this will now be the day you go back to in your mind every time you doubt yourself and need some extra energy and proof to believe in the queen that you are. You can do this as a daily visualization along with the mantra “I am enough now and always.” Feel it with every cell in your body. Just feel don’t think it.

Secret #4 All Queens Take Action – Even if It’s Imperfect Action

Taking action might just be the scariest part in today’s guide. Going back to my client Danielle she thought she needed to get to a point of believing in herself to take action – which is a very human and very common thought – but the truth is it’s the other way around.

The best way to start believing in yourself is to proactively do things that you can add to your queen’s badassery list. They don’t have to be big things. Even a tiny bit of action that scares you can be a big step toward believing in yourself more. That’s because these tiny steps add up.

Danielle, for example, wanted to see if some of the women at her job would like to hang out after work, but she was too scared to ask. So she started following these coworkers on Instagram and commenting on their posts. They commented on her posts, too, and the conversation carried into the office.

She was able to ask them about fashion meetups they went to, which led to someone offering that she should come the next time a similar meetup happened in town. At first, she only talked to this one coworker that she came with. Gradually, she started talking to more people she met at the meetup.

Not everybody connected with her, and she wanted to give up so many times, but she didn’t, so eventually, she started building friendships with like-minded women.

Of course, at the end of every day, she added every step she could to her queen’s list.

You can do the same.

Remember, it’s not about whether you got the result you wanted. It’s about the fact you took the action even though you had no idea whether you’ll get the results you wanted. Choose courage over comfort.

Secret #5 Celebrate Your Wins Like A Queen

Maybe in the past, you told yourself you wish you did better or you wish you did more, but what if, instead, you practiced feeling proud of the progress you’ve made?

Now that you’ve got a growing queen’s list of accomplishments, it’s time to celebrate.

Maybe do something small for every accomplishment, like give yourself an extra minute or five with your favorite TV show or book or hiking trail.

Maybe collect accomplishments and do something bigger, like book a massage or take a day off or make another investment in your dream business, for every certain amount of accomplishments you add to your queen’s list.

As her social life developed, Danielle grew more active on Instagram. To celebrate her first 100 accomplishments, she finally dared sharing a photo of herself wearing one of her designs. She got a lot of positive feedback, and people kept asking to see more, but she was afraid she’ll get judged on the next one. She waited until accomplishment #150 to post that one.

By accomplishment #200, she offered one of her designs for sale…

… and one of her friends actually bought it.

They then went out to a restaurant to celebrate it together. Her friend wore Danielle’s design and got an enthusiastic compliment… that led to Danielle’s second-ever sale.

Like Danielle, find ways to continuously focus on how great you’re doing, instead of how inadequate you feel, because what you focus on grows. And what better way to focus on something than to celebrate it?

Stick to your queen’s list and your queen’s day, and don’t stop. The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll get with that crown on your head, the more you’ll know, deep inside you, that you *are* a queen and you deserve everything and you are enough NOW and ALWAYS!!