Simple Steps To Achieving Everything you Want
Oftentimes we allow fear to control and define our lives. We enable it to steal our dreams, our desires, and our goals. Many of us hold back our greatness and dim our light because of fear.
…we fear we may look ridiculous
…we fear embarrassment
…we fear getting hurt
…we fear someone may find out we’re not worthy or smart enough, even though this isn’t rue
I’m about to share with you my top three secrets on how to kick F.E.A.R. (False Expectations Appearing Real) out the door and how to stand up to it so you can get everything you want out of life.
True Story – Read On…
I went to my daughter’s choir show last week, and the performers ranged in age from the very young to high school seniors. Now I could see these kids were nervous, especially the young ones, but they had poise and presence. I could also see them fidgeting and being nervous. Some twisting their hair, others in quiet solitude, and some just with outright stage fright. Some of these kids looked like they had seen a ghost. Pure fear on their faces.
The whole auditorium was filled with a heaviness of anxiety and the sizzle of excitement. I felt both scared for my daughter and excited to see her perform. You never know how these performances will affect your kid.
Guess what?
Every single one of these kids went into their fears. I could see them standing behind the curtain ( my seat was left orchestra ) There are only two choices for these kids. To face their fears and be brave or to run-away from their FEAR (False Expectations Appearing Real) and not perform.
You see, you either go into your fear, run from your fear, or let fear paralyze you.
There was this one kid that got up to play a solo on the Saxophone, and his mouthpiece and reed didn’t work. There he was standing alone on stage, and nothing worked. I was in the audience, and my heart ached for him. I was like, Oh NO, this is terrible. He was standing there, trying to figure out what to do next.
I kept thinking this kid is going to be scarred for life.
Then in a NYC-minute, he put the sax down, went to the piano, and play the most beautiful song. This is what it means to pivot. This is what it means to not let your circumstances define you.
This is what I call bravery. Bravery is the ability to roll with the punches. Or, as my husband likes to say, always have a “Plan B.”
This kid could have defeated himself,’ He could have left the stage, but he didn’t. He went on to plan B, and he wowed everyone in the audience, including me. He got a standing ovation because let’s face it. This was a hero moment, and he deserved it.
This whole experience got me thinking. What is it that makes us brave enough to face our inner fears and demons?
What does it mean to be courageous in today’s world? Is bravery reserved for the few, or does bravery live in all of us? How can we be braver?
I sat there in awe, thinking these kids are braver than brave. Braver than most people I know who sit quietly at home or stay at jobs they hate playing the safe game. Who criticize from the sidelines.
I personally know that being brave is hard. It takes guts. It takes letting go.
When I was a child, I never had the support of a mother who told me to take chances. I was taught to play it safe and stay in my lane. Deep in my heart, I knew I would never be the kind of kid my mother would cheer for unless I played it safe and followed the rules. So I played it safe. I wasn’t brave. Instead, I conform because I wanted to be loved. As a Latina, you never cross your mother. I learn to also submit to the doctors and to give my power away when I suffered from my pelvic issues.
Because I wasn’t brave enough, I lived other people’s dreams. I went to college and then to medical school. Not because I wanted to but because it was expected of me.
One day in medical school, I realized I was living a lie. That my life until that day was me trying to please others. A people pleaser was I. I was playing it safe and hiding out. I was not brave. I was fearful of being my own woman and living my own life.
Maybe you understand where I am coming from. It’s hard to break the narratives in our heads, and it’s even harder to break away from our programming.
You see, the world needs brave ones. The ones that stand up and say, “No,” I won’t accept the norm anymore because it’s hurting me, and it’s hurting us.
I believe in my heart that we are all brave and desire to live a purposeful and fulfilling life. But stuff gets in the way and one day turns into years. Then we wake up one day and think it’s too late for us. BUT guess what?
It is never too late to take chances. It is never too late to be brave. It is never too late to stand up for the underdog or for yourself. It’s never too late for you to rule you, “Queendom.”
Here are three steps that helped me to become braver and I am sure they will help you to
Take action and do what you need to do BUT avoid attaching yourself to the outcome. Attachment creates fear and doubt. Better done than perfect.
Question every thought you have around your bravery. Such as “I’m not good at that,” or “leave that for the young people,” or “I’m afraid of what people will think of me.” These thoughts are self-limiting beliefs that hold you back from achieving your goals and living the life you want. The work of Bryon Katie helped me to quiet my monkey brain.
Avoid perfectionism. Nothing blocks bravery more than trying to be perfect. Bravery is blocked by waiting for everything to be perfect before you take action. My coach healed me from perfection-itis. I used to want to be perfect. Can you imagine that? It came from not feeling good enough. When I focused on imperfect action, then things started to happen for me. Imperfect action is what will keep you brave. Because let’s face it. No more is perfect, and the action taken is rarely perfect.
Listen to your inner voice and intuition in matters of the heart and in business. Because nothing kills bravery like overriding your internal cues and going against what you believe in.
Take my husband’s advice. What’s the worst that can happen when you go on a limb and ask for help, a favor, or for more love. The worst that can happen is they say no or you fail and make a mistake. We’ve taught this to our daughter, and she’s one of the bravest people I know. A NO is better than a yes because you can then negotiate a “no.” Even if the no is to yourself.
So the next time you feel un-brave, fearful, or scared and fear rears its ugly head, think about how you can turn it around because I believe that you can do anything your heart desires and wishes.
Bravery is the muscle you have to flex and train. It gets easier with repetition.
“Do something that scares you every day. You have nothing to lose but fear itself.” …Dalai Lama
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